My world in words.

2012-01-14T22:51:00.002+08:00

with every thoughtless utter
the meaning gets closer to less
fleeting moments of song and dance
totally sold on the modern romance
simplicity that's painted to be
is nothing more than escaping reality

as time passes and people age
the truth gets locked in a self-made cage
straying with a different hand
when it all crumbles to that of naught
it will be almost impossible to land.

Weddings

2011-12-20T22:35:00.001+08:00

his story, her story and now their story.
as i begin to enter the phase of attending weddings, friends, colleagues and all.. my favourite part is watching the initial video clips/photos and witnessing the bright smiles on the groom & bride faces.. it doesn't matter if i know them well but often enough, i find my heartstrings being tugged as their faces of glee shines right through the projector screen.

there need not be much editing for their facial expressions tell it all.. for if this was a trailer of a romantic movie, i'll totally be amazed by the actors of this fairytale story.. and finally when the clip ends, and the duo appears hand in hand.. its like the premier of a grand movie. and from 2d to 3d, the leading cast shows up with the same expressions of glee.

well, unlike a premier where the actors can lay back knowing all work is done, the leading man and woman of our wedding know its just begun.. for the smiles cannot last forever and tough times await.. but i hope they know that just as easily as the smiles can fade, they can easily appear again. and i wish them the same bright smiles throughout their wedded life.

Change

2011-11-08T19:31:00.005+08:00

complications often starts within
emotions aplenty beneath that skin
to change, to adapt
an ongoing process of life's destiny
walk along the lines of morality
and you'll be fine

upon the junction of left and right
if both choice just doesn't seem right
who says you cant turn around
or bash through the middle
and set a new path alight.

Only when one can change, will one be able to invoke change.

2011-08-23T21:13:00.000+08:00

if there's any reason why it got darker
it would be the amount of light that i let shine
perceptions and deceptions strikes the initial
and everything just falls into line

attempts to weave a different tale
prove futile as the plot sails
its a different story but the usual suspects
and its all known of what to expect
of whats written with a broken pen.

2011-07-12T21:00:00.001+08:00

"At the wake one of my father's coworkers from the import shop, a beefy Cajun guy with forearms like Popeye the cartoon sailorman, put a hand on my shoulder and said, "Your dad's in a better place kid." The standard rap. With a nod I replied that yes, I knew it, thank you. But i doubt we had the same place in mind. He was thinking entrance, I was thinking exit. It's the same door but the sign makes all the difference. "

ICT Cycle 1

2011-06-18T16:34:00.000+08:00

having completed my very first reservice just proved my original beliefs before going into the army.. that i really wanted to be in a fighting unit.. as we streamed in on the first day of our ICT (In-camp Training), laughter, smiles and hi fives were all around as friends come together again.. never has there been such a happier atmosphere with the ppl wearing green.. of course there were the stragglers.. minorities from training schools or those who have deferred from their original units.. either standing alone or finding their mini clusters as they observe their surroundings..

it didn't feel like a year at all that we last bid our farewells at this very same camp.. as the week goes by, everything felt like it was just ytd but instead of being "the same old shit again" like we used to say.. that sense of nostalgia and knowing u been thru all that just makes it so special.. and the first night, it really was my highlight.. it didn't matter if i had to wait an hour b4 being able to get onto the court.. cause once in it, we were never getting out.. passing the ball around like we have never stopped playing at all, the chemistry and goals that kept coming.. boy was i high ^^

so i only had about 6 hours of sleep daily and it wasn't cause we had any night training but rather it really was a time for catch up, fooling around and just spending time with one another.. you can say it was only a little over a year that i spent with these ppl.. but having slept, eat and spend almost every second together.. the shit we went through really just helped made the bonds stronger..

as the week flew by, we parted at the gates knowing that our friendship will go on in the years to come.. while we head on back to our separate lives, that shared memory of our NS times will always be at the constant back of our minds.

A New Chapter

2011-04-23T19:28:00.003+08:00

so i've started since the beginning of the month at my new job as a RC (recruitment consultant).. honestly, it wasn't one of the job options i had in mind as i was deciding on my next step.. it was only while applying for jobs and coming across the advert, i thought "why not". since i'm good with sales and enjoy meeting ppl.. it turned out pretty alright, i think i've adapted and settled in pretty well.. its just strange how being a RC never really did cross my mind as i was narrowing my options.. and all of a sudden i find myself here.. so of cos the plan is to do well and hopefully make a mark in the long run..

anw, it feels good to be working again.. time really flies in the office when it gets busy and at least there's a sense of satisfaction at the end of the day.. well, the best thing is that my office is at JE.. 20min is all the traveling it takes.. brilliant.

on a side note, elections coming and saw the men in white at je mrt after work one day.. they were there shaking hands.. honestly. i find that a load of wayang bullshit.. i hope they opened their eyes and see how god damn crowded the train station was.. doubt they care anw.. probably traveled there in their respective comfortable cars.. pfft.

I'm 23 this year?!

2011-03-18T00:58:00.003+08:00

ok, it certainly doesn't feel like it.. first of all, i definitely do not look the part.. no surprise there.. and honestly, i still feel like i'm 18/19, bumping around.. enjoying the adolescent time of my life.. OH MY GOD, i really need a job soon..

in one of the conversations with my mum, i asked her.. do you think i'm quite the failure, no job, no relationship, no degree, no nothing.. and she just goes "now then you know ah".. well, so where am i heading.. at the moment, i think i've got a job with an events company.. something i've been striving towards for awhile now.. i use "i think" cause they are kinda leaving me hanging.. they did mention that they're hiring me.. and then i was suppose to start work.. and then they postpone it.. and then now its KIV mode.. brilliant! i think i'll give them a call tml.....

my carefree manner at times does seem worrying.. i mean those my age are gradually carving out their future.. mine just doesnt seem too concrete at the moment.. but i like to think that once presented with the chance, i'll grab it.. and we'll see i guess.. i should be heading somewhere by the end of this age of 23. =p

The False Truth

2011-03-13T21:49:00.000+08:00

is it wrong to believe in a truth
that is nothing more than self delusion
convincing lies that began as a facade
unknowingly becomes the truth

this safe heaven that has taken its symphonic form
do you tear that apart to shed the light
and risk taking away what keeps him strong
for the act of disillusion
may shatter more than what was intended
or to close a blind eye and play pretend
and hopefully the truth stands
will that become your truth then.

Blood is Thicker than Water

2011-02-12T20:59:00.000+08:00

so chi new year has arrived and its almost over.. this year, i've done my fair share of gatherings and gambling.. none though, were among relatives..

blood may indeed be thicker than water, but i sure know it isn't thicker than greed, lust, stupidity or hatred.. it was clear over the years, that these sins have all won their respective battles.. ties were strained and bonds were broken, if there was any at all.. and as my mum put it, she sees her family as all dead (her siblings that is).. and for me its simple, if you go against her, you're going against me as well.

its stupid no matter which way you look at it.. there is no rich family background to talk of and the main asset being a hdb flat which my grandma, who was the last relative i had respect for, left behind.. to think i grew up calling them aunties, laughing and playing with their children.. all of that just a distant memory now..

to say i'm not one bit envious, would be a lie.. of families i hear laughing away in neighboring houses, the sight of cousins of different generations coming together.. perhaps one day, i'll meet up with my cousins years from now and we'll be able to put aside our parents' differences.. laugh about it and hopefully not repeat their mistakes..

till then, i've adapted to living without any of them and things are pretty fine with just my mum and younger bros.. as far as blood relation is concern to me, they are all i have and all that really matter.

From the book "Dear American Airlines"

2011-01-27T20:49:00.002+08:00

There is only one time that is important: now. The present is the only time over which we have power. The most important person is the one beside you, for no man knows if he will ever have dealings with another. And the most important thing to do is to make the one beside you happy. For that purpose alone was man sent into this life. - alojzy

i wasn't expecting much when i first picked up this book from the library but its beautifully wickedly written.. a great read.

Hanging out with the "Older" generation

2011-01-13T23:48:00.002+08:00

so i just got back from playing soccer and supper with a bunch of 30 somethings uncles.. it was just some random open field near peoples park, using just 4 cones as goalpost and there you go.. kinda like kampong soccer style and though i was the youngest there, somehow i felt the oldest..

there was this uncle especially, he was shouting and joking around as he ran around the pitch.. he had this vigor and strong life force that really was awesome.. so there we were, 7 "uncles" 1 younger uncle (my colleague) and myself running around this field chasing a ball.. for that hour plus everything else just became invisible - the buildings, noisy traffic, passerbys on the walk way.. playing soccer with them really reminded me of how much i love the game.....

Notes to Self:

2010-12-12T16:40:00.002+08:00

1) Customer service is under rated in Singapore and good service is almost a myth.

2) Never attempt to break/climb into my home again and good friends are just a phone call away.

3) Accept the fact that not everyone has common sense and that doesn't make them a lesser human being, just an annoying one.

4) Consider using sun screen lotion the next time i decide to play soccer in the scorching afternoon.

5) I am and i enjoy being a mind over heart person.

2010-11-30T00:09:00.002+08:00

i wanted to shout it out loud
but i couldn't even manage a whisper
and everything just went by without a sound
now everyday it echoes
the haunting silence that follows

now even as i turn back
i am one big mess inside
now even if i want to
you've already said your goodbye
you say good morning
i say good evening
the world we live in, so ever conflicting

I want my life to be.

2010-11-15T20:20:00.003+08:00

simple yet meaningful
short and sweet
happiness with a tinge of sorrow
sanity among all the madness
more love less hate
never forget to appreciate
traditional morals, modern methods.

2010-11-03T22:57:00.004+08:00

i'm not one who ponders much about regret
but how could i ever forget
back then, the spinning coin had to come to a stop
and now i'm left staring at the side thats all a lost

your heartfelt words still echoes within me
but to listen and help you, i cannot answer
and now i can only think if i could have conveyed it better
the words you said should really have been mine
i'm really sorry even throughout this time

i can only wish now that you're really okay
like you say you would
cause i never could
how could i ever........

Immerse in the less

2010-10-18T17:46:00.005+08:00

when you walk along the roads, do you focus on the cars zooming by or do you stop and take a second look at the old man cycling with bags of recycled materials hung all around him.

when you open the papers, do you first read the story of yet another property boom or maybe the story of how a family of 6 survives on $300/month.

is it always the Monday Blues
or perhaps its just you
take a step back
immerse in the less
and maybe you'll feel a lot more.

2010-10-03T00:28:00.001+08:00

its sad how we blame it on the passing time
there's always an excuse in every line
we pursue fame and thrive on the attention
we're unable to identify or value a real relation
the thoughts of the world become more important
simple dreams become irrelevant

its sad how we're caught up in this eternal chase
there's seldom a winner in this race
having regrets and sacrifice for that unknown prize
innocence replaced with endless lies

how did it all end up like this
living in a self delusion bliss
only when the dust settles
does it strike home
only when you lose someone dear
you finally feel all alone.

Reminiscing

2010-09-28T20:21:00.005+08:00

thinking back, its been almost 10 years since i started this blog since the good old sec school days.. i wonder who from my time actually still reads or upkeep blogs these days.. i only know i have one stalker called shi qi who gets update on my blog whenever i update anything (HOPE YOU'RE ADAPTING WELL IN LONDON) hahaha anw, today is just of one those days, where i just listen to songs and think back about stuff.. mayb its a sign that i'm just getting old =s

back then we were telling one another, "hey, when we meet up 10 years down the road. wonder how things gonna change for all of us!" and there you go, 10 years flew by just like that..

gone are the colour HPs and breaking puzzle bobble/snake hi scores, now its iphone/androids/hide your phone
no need for frequent meet ups, "lets update each other lives via facebook!"
goodbye heeren, hello ION.

and these are just the changing environment around us.. deep down, these 10 years, we've all changed whether we admit it or not.. thats just how life is isn't it.. for better or worse, we all have our stories and now while we look forward and embrace another 10 years, lets not forget to cherish the past.......

i miss you, all my old friends. ^^

Me & Emo Songs

2010-08-19T02:14:00.006+08:00

it kinda says something when friends hear an emo song and goes "this song really suits you man" and true enough, 9 out of 10 times i know its true when i listen to it for myself.. i've always had a thing for lyrics about sad stories, self despair and just tragic relationships =x

not that i don't listen to other genres, its just that most of the time when my music player goes on shuffle.. its very likely i click the next button before the songs even ends when a happy one is on.. and when i hear something like 'FM static - moment of truth', i'll be like omg awesome and be so immersed with it.

i guess its just good to have something to relate your emotions to.. initially, i'm like what the fuck, why are there so many sad lyrcis out there that speaks volumes about my life.. but then i realise, its just cos many people out there are probably going through the same shit and thats how the lyrics come about.. and then it comforts you, knowing you're not alone going through it.. and sadistically, i like it that when i'm down, i want to have those songs to listen to so i can fully immerse myself in an ocean of emo-ness =s hey, thats how you let it all out.

August 2010

2010-08-03T22:11:00.002+08:00

Things to look forward to:

1) EPL 2010/11 !!!!! , this of course would also mean its time to get some winnings =P

2) and erm.... thats about it.

this pretty much sums up my life right now.

2010-07-14T00:35:00.001+08:00

i used to think that i knew
when to open and close those doors
but i guess its time i took cue
from all those broken knobs

pardon me now as i take my time
to pick up these broken pieces on the floor
and now i'm really not sure
what i fear more
shattering, or to shatter.

2010-05-13T23:21:00.000+08:00

so i let another day slip by
it wasnt meaningful, just another goodbye
do we move ahead with time
just not to be left behind

i smile a smile thats easy to see
laugh a laugh thats really me
these scars that lie beneath
makes it so hard to believe
and dreams remain as it is

so alone i lie here
staring at the sky so blue
at least i know its true.

ORD LOH!

2010-05-11T11:53:00.001+08:00

its only been afew days since i've gotten back my pink friend but oh my, i'm already missing it..... i really do miss,

- the great taste of cup noodles in camp, it just doesnt taste that great at home
- playing at the street soccer court almost every other night
- and most of all, the bunk that housed the 24 of us with all the memories in it...

the mass psp soccer sessions, sharing a movie on itouch, poker & mahjong!, late night MACs, THE FRIDGE, and just gaying around on one another's bed =s -- I really do miss it all already.

2010-04-05T01:54:00.003+08:00

what makes the soul deviate from the right
and into the dark
the subtle yet overwhelming intrigue
that temptation of a new start
or the lost of all light, emotions torn apart.

Me and My Toys ^^

2010-03-17T21:46:00.002+08:00

a new lenovo ideapad Y460 and sony walkman hp W995 =) hehe, its been awhile since i indulge like that.. guess now that ord is like inches away, its time to prepare for the civilian world!! and what betta way to do it than with some new gadgets.. been obsessing over them and now that i took off for d rest off d week, i'm typing to my heart's content!

but at d same time, pretty broke now =x and which leads to a confession... so i guess gambling is kinda in my system.. been betting soccer again.. with limits of cos..... need to win some $$$$, i hope..

ahhh.. its time to resume gossip girl s3 now!

CNY 2010

2010-02-13T16:36:00.002+08:00

i guess the lunar new year is mostly about getting together with family & relatives and its a shame realli...... how the relations between my relatives have turned out to be.

as time goes by, it seems the houses we visit dwindles yearly and its fine with me actually.. i'm not one for loud firecrackers or lion dance.. and seriously the red packets, of cos who would say no to the extra cash but since young, knowing that my parents had to give them out too, if not taking any means them not giving any.. i'll be fine with that too.. and of cos the cliche once a year gatherings and neva to meet till once agn, CNY is here..

dun get me wrong, with all the excuses these days that ppl come up with on how busy they are.. once a year is betta than nothing right.. but i'm sure there are times u come across that relative who somehow u're betta off calling stranger cos bsides calling "uncle/aunty" u dun actually know anithin else about that person.. ok mayb i'm jus being alittle cynical here.. i guess there are relatives out there whom meet on a regular basis and genuinely care for one another..

and yes, there are the perks of gambling more freely that brightens up my new year ^^ and its a good thing realli.. the lesser visits we gotta do, means the more time spent with the closer ones.. and i came upon this earlier in the week,
"The family you come from isn't as important as the family you're going to have."
I LIKE THIS.

2010-02-07T00:58:00.002+08:00

i cant run with you
but from behind,
i'll always look out for you.

To go into standby mode.

2010-02-01T01:04:00.004+08:00

i've been thinkin again about how nice it would be if i were to enter a coma.. of cos, hoping that i'll wake up from that slumber.. just lying there, oblivious to the surroundings around me.. without emotions, without thoughts.. i guess thats why they call it brain dead..

that of cos isnt veri nice, but i kinda see it more as a 'hibernation', like just switching off during the harsh winter and waking up to the sun again..... it'll be interestin seeing who and what has changed. then again of cos, its all just wishful thinking.

Maybe

2010-01-23T03:23:00.003+08:00

- its cos she's in charge
- she realli is always right
- i just dont wanna hear it
- i'm afriad i cant take it
- i'll have to sacrifice again
- i'll never be what she can be
- it hurts so much
- i just cant let her know
- its cos i love her so

its been awhile since i've had such a talk/quarrel/confrontation with my mother.. i guess being in the army is just not a gd enough excuse anymore..

Maybe no one will ever understand,
the decisions i make. Maybe not even me. But i know it feels right. I'm pretty sure.

2010-01-17T22:56:00.004+08:00

the vision's a blur
my thinking's impaired
the inside's an empty
do you do whats fair
then again what exactly is fair
stumble around, falling down
how many times before i give up
how many times before i stay down.

2010-01-14T18:56:00.001+08:00

i'm sorry.

Goodbye 2009

2010-01-02T01:49:00.002+08:00

u know since young, i've always thought i'm pretty matured... SERIOUS! haha, but at d end of each year i find myself learning and growing a ton loads and then i realise.. mayb i wasn't that sensible as i thought =x and all the more so for 2009, it realli was an awesome year..

i'm thankful for all the experiences and people around me =) .. i think the path i chose to walk was quite a good one.. haha, and i like where i am standing now.. its a fact we all know, "what doesnt kill, makes you stronger" and i certainly agree to that.

so i'm looking forward to what 2010 might bring.. for now i already know ITS ORD AND WORLD CUP TIME.. so its definitely gonna be awesome as well =p on a random note, read this the other day and though i so think its true.. i know i myself do judge people too quickly and i'll try not to anymore.

'If you judge people, you have no time to love them'
-- Mother Teresa

2009-12-20T02:03:00.002+08:00

ok, i think i shall stop betting on soccer anymore........

its a promise.

2009-12-18T01:19:00.000+08:00

besides air, food and water.. i think every1 has a 4th need -- attention.

2009-12-11T00:53:00.002+08:00

i'm loving december so far.. i guess this is finally the rest i get after so many high key activities in the army ^^ SO WORTH IT!

its time

2009-12-04T21:11:00.002+08:00

hello you
i know things have changed
drastically so
down this past year in memory lane
but isn't it hard laughing and crying
so just for tonight
let your eyes tremble freely
let the music take your heart away
with a match in one
and the pain in the other
its time we put them both together.

The 40 Days.

2009-12-01T13:52:00.003+08:00

The Summarised Journey in Aussie... 19 Oct ~ 28 Nov

Week 1
Day 1: Goodbye SG, Hello Tiger Hill Camp
Day 2: Adjusting and Emo-ing
Day 3: Finding the Little Joys
Day 4: Bumping into Medwin Outfield 0.o
Day 5/6/7: 1st Outfield Exercise (Torturous Nights)

Week 2
Day 8: A visit to Camp Growl, WHAT A DIFFERENCE!
Day 9/10/11/12: Outfield No.2
Day 13: The day my voice became husky
Day 14: The day my voice became non-existant

Week 3
Day 15: Pointless night bashing
Day 16: Canteen Break, celebrating YS's Bday
Day 17: SOCCER!!! boy i missed it
Day 18: a day out in ROCKHAMPTON
Day 19: BBQ night, the last recharge
Day 20: The annoying speakers
Day 21: The day i regretted listening to Jin Kai =s

Week 4
Day 22: Sudden constant rain, it flooded
Day 23: Blackout & lightsticks ^^
Day 24/25/26: Outfield No.3
Day 27: Usual S&M
Day 28: RAWR @ retards

Week 5
Day 29: Almost a month now, people cracking
Day 30/31/32/33/34: ATEC!!!
- the harsh life of a Vehicle Commander
Day 35: Final Prep Begins

Week 6
Day 36: Finsihing Touches
Day 37: ALFS Battalion Level, what a day... & NIGHT
Day 38: Happily Packing
Day 39/40: R&R!!!!!
and then, HOME SWEET HOME =)
what an experience indeed.

the last week =x

2009-10-19T00:08:00.002+08:00

this off week b4 wallaby had been great.. enjoyed the meet up with friends and time with family.. and so happy i gotta catch 3 awesome movies!!! Haeundae, 500days of Summer & My Sister's Keeper.. all brilliant films in their respective genres ^^ especially My Sister's Keeper, thought cant catch it le lar.. but then, got sneaks!!! woots! caught the trailer and wanna make me cry le.. so of cos cried during the actual movie =x A MUST WATCH INDEED. gonna read the book when i get back..

so here i go on another army trip.. haha definitely gonna find ways to make it fun with d other guys.. gonaa miss alot of things here.. love you all, u know who u are =P and await my many stories!! i know i must come back.. but if.. yeah, know that i'm happy.. *hugs*

Turning 21

2009-10-17T12:30:00.001+08:00

i used to think birthdays are jus too overhyped these days and sometimes people just tend to get too caught up with the celebrations and gifts.. but then again, why not??? especially if it means gettin an ipod touch ^^ hahahaha.. but realli, i was touched by my dear frens more than anithin.. they've realli help pulled me through the years.

so there goes probably about 1/3 of my life huh.. d fact that i've turned 21 isn't that big a deal to me but its more of how i look at myself now and i'm like 0.o sure didn't expect certain things to turn out d way it did.. not sayin its bad, cos hey its all part of growing up.. its jus strange cos somehow i thought being in the army, its kinda like my life would be on hold for 2years but in this past year its definitely been anithin but dull or ordinary.

the memories that will spur me on for the future.

Surprise Kitten

2009-10-04T18:16:00.003+08:00

so look what stumbled upon our door today.....

dunno how she got there.. must know that we're animal lovers ^^ she'll probably be hangin around outside for awhile now..

but of cos, my brandy is still the cutest!!

how i wish i can bring this furball to australia with me.. =x ahhhh, 2 more weeks and i'm gone.....

the other side

2009-10-02T21:48:00.002+08:00

you turn to the left
trying something new
breaking old rules, bending curfews
the thrilling excitement
flows through your veins
this sudden rush of emotions
its hard to stay sane

so do you turn back to the right
to the perceived, believed truth
be embraced with that familiarity
and claim that as your destiny

its hard to choose
its the diabolical truth
theres no use in denying
that we're never satisfied
the grass always seems greener on the other fucking side.

Mid Sep

2009-09-20T10:18:00.003+08:00

so i thought sep would be a less hectic month in camp after last month whirlwind of activities but like they always say in camp.. i think, u thought, WHO CONFIRM.. and i guess i thought wrong =s

the prep for the coming australia training is CRAZY and being the kiasu army, we were often doing extra pointless work cos when inspection came.. the person jus went "pass, pass, pass" as she sweeped away item after item -.- and then theres the mindless course this week where we were suppose to learn more about the vehicle that we're operating and 99 out of 100 times the instructors were jus smoking us, making us do maintenance WHICH THEY WERE SUPPOSE TO DO THEMSELVES.. SLUTS I TELL U!!

and then on friday, theres tis bitch who pushed a pram over my toe and yes, I WAS WEARING FREAKIN FLIP FLOPS.. i turn ard to look at her and she still gave me the 'what did i do wrong' look.. WHAT THE HELL!!! i was about to hurl all those !@#!@%!%! thoughts in my mind at her and then i noticed her pri sch kid daughter bside with that apologetic face, knowing her mum was wrong.. and then i jus went "Its ok!" and waved my hand...... but of cos my toe was still throbbing with pain and i realli wanted to yell YOU GOD DAMN STUPID BITCH which of cos i ranted at my frens who i met later instead =x

apart from all the not so good things happening.. the people around me have made it fun going through them and with the many birthday parties these weeks.... its nice catching up and seeing how frens u made back then have grown ^^

End of Aug.

2009-08-31T17:35:00.000+08:00

and there goes the hectic month of august =) i guess time flies even when u're not having fun eh.. or mayb i kinda am enjoyin the little thrills and experiences even in d army.. pulling all those stupid stunts, making new friends.. its cool, haha.

anw, caught District 9 over the weekend and i gotta say ITS FUCKIN AWESOME!! =s pretty different, pretty brilliant! i love the main actor, love his accent, love how he scolds fuck.. hahaha ok, i'm not gay k.. and the aliens, theres actually so much characterisation in them.. so like i said, AWESOME =p

on another note, dear zw is commisioning soon...... and soon, i'll be bossed around.. like how medwin calls me sgt these days and orders me around.. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

2009-08-23T04:14:00.000+08:00

the answer to a hard question is often simple.

1st Facial 0.o

2009-08-15T17:45:00.001+08:00

so my mum havent always been ur average conventional type of mother.. and that once agn was proven today as she woke me up from my sleep at abt 12 today and went "come son, time for lunch and after that u goin with eugene for facial" so mayb being half awake.. it didnt realli sink in yet.. but moments later i was like.. *WTH MUM???*

apparently its some trail session which my mum got at some special price.. my mum had always wanted me to go to one.. dun ask me why but she cares alot about my complexion, much more than i do =x sometimes she'll just force a face mask on me when i'm home.. hahaha.. i know i my face isn't exactly silky smooth but i'm always fine with how it is and most of all, too freakin lazy to do like what.. cleanser then scrub then tonner then moistrurizer and whateva others which my mum would buy at times.. and its onli in recent years that i actually started using a facial wash =s

so without much of a choice, i made my way there.. honestly, its pretty cool jus lyin there and have someone do all the work.. except for the part where the lady took out a little knife and started piercing out my blackheads.. one after another after another.. adn even went "usually 1st session i dun take out so many but i see yours, i oso cannot take it.. must take out" lol? exactly what my mum said as she tortured me b4..

of cos, then they'll ask to sign for a package or somethin which i left my mum to handle and said dun bother wastin money and jus get it for urself.. while i rush home to pack my bag and use the com now for awhile.. cos soon, i'll be booking in again!!! yes, less than 24hours home and there goes my weekend..

so thats how i experienced my 1st facial 0.o hahaha.

a good start

2009-08-07T10:47:00.000+08:00

so its about ten plus in the morning and i find myself lowering the volume of the songs playin from my com.. why? cos i heard the national anthem playin outside and no i wasn't feeling patriotic =x but rather the sound of little children screaming majulah singapura as it played amused me..

i looked out my window and realise the kindergarden is havin some mini ndp celebration and as they started playin the different NDP songs, it was realli nice listening to those little bundles of joy just belting out the lyrics with as much enthusiasm and innoncence in them.. and there were parts where u could tell dey didnt know the lyrics and then the chorus comes along like "WE ARE SINGAPORE, SINGAPOREANS!" it jus echoes throughout the estate.. haha so cute!!

i'm glad i woke up early today, its a nice start to the day ^^

facebook?

2009-08-03T20:44:00.001+08:00

and so as i start shifting into full gear, i've started a facebook a/c.. yes indeed, after billions around the world who have left their mark in that virtual world.. me the newbie have just arrived =s while i do so, some friends around me have gone "U HAVE A FACEBOOK ACCOUNT?!"

ok, so i haven realli been welcoming towards this new fad ever since it began.. like how i didnt warm up much to friendster.. i jus feel all these just makes the world more superficial den it realli is.. like havin so called tons of frens in d virtual world and the ability to just stalk people online constantly is quite d creepy thought..

and i hated it when people say "facebook helps me keep in touch with my friends" except if u were living somewhere else or have many friends overseas but for many others who live on this little red dot of ours 0.o im always one who believed in meetin up even if its jus for a cup of coffee rather than 'poking' one another online..

so even with such skeptical views, i do agree there are several useful functions that i'll probably make use now that i've joined =x and most impt, I JUS FEEL LIKE IT NOW and that enough is good enough reason for me to get one!!! n i've to admit.. this stalking of others can be quite addictive, hahahaha.

RAWR

2009-08-03T00:57:00.002+08:00

its about a year now
nothing stays the same
so what the heck
its a big change i know
but i think its about time
time to start running again..... RAWR!

EMO ADS!

2009-07-28T02:00:00.001+08:00

omg i think i'm making myself emo with all these touching advertisements.. jus keep clicking link after link for the past hr 0.o i shld stop n get to sleep soon...... but i cant stop myself =x

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ROaNuo02mio&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nw0s4C0g5SM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UcYflK8cBUg&feature=related

SO TOUCHING!!!!

Complications

2009-07-28T00:19:00.004+08:00

I'm usualli a simple guy.
But i'll complicate things when i feel,
you dun deserve simplicity.
And trust me, it can get pretty complicated ^^

sick

2009-07-26T23:59:00.001+08:00

fever came so sudden.
carried on for hours.
isolation room felt like a torture chamber.
recorded my 2nd highest temp in my life.
39.8degrees.
jus some viral infection.
i hope.

The Past

2009-07-24T01:07:00.002+08:00

been readin some of my old posts today..... and quite a mixture of feelings.

1) i think its realli amusing reading how my entries change year on year.. but i've to agree, theres always that similar bit of retardedness and emo-ness that always comes along =x

2) really neva expect how things turned out between relations then and now.. life is jus one big drama isn't it..

3) i do miss many things.

It puts a smile on my face when

2009-07-19T22:33:00.002+08:00

It puts a smile on my face when,

i hear how sarcastic my mum can get at times.
an unexpected sms arrives.
watching my youngest bro being sound asleep.
another day pass n i'm neared to ORD.
my friends amuse me with their retardedness.
after catching a heartwarming film.
we become victims of life's irony.
i get $$$$$!

this is all i thought of with 10min.. den i think, if i had 10min to write what would make me frown.. it would probably be alot more =x thats why smiling means alot more =)

Korean Junkie =x

2009-07-12T22:48:00.003+08:00

so friends who know me probably would know that i'm quite the korean media junkie ever since sec sch.. from their songs to variety shows, i probably caught tons of them already =x (not so much dramas though, jap dramas are d best.. haha)

anw, my mp3 player probably has more korean music than english and with all the trash eng songs these days.. i miss those days in sec sch where i wun just listen to 98.7FM and it was then where music was actualli good.. not that all the songs now are thrash...... its just most of them =p

whereas the kor music scene just keeps gettin hotter ^^ let me just share 2 reasons out of the many why i'm so into it.....

2 different genres, 2 great tracks! haha of cos without the eng subs i wldnt realli know what they're singin about.. so i've been tryin to pick up abit of the language with a book i bought.. probably take up lessons nx year when army life gets less bz.. haha, so why such a random post.. like i said, i'm quite the korean media junkie just in case u dunno =s

Free Fall

2009-07-10T23:44:00.002+08:00

from side to side my arms reached out
i'm looking up
my tears sparkling in the sky

dark clouds passing through me
this is not how i thought it would be
while dying to know whats on the ground
i'm afraid to turn around

i change from outstretched arms
to hugging myself
if onli i knew.

MOVIE!

2009-07-03T18:12:00.003+08:00

on a mini dvd player i caught a much betta movie in camp den i have outside in theatres for the past weeks.. i like Little Miss Sunshine! ^^ wanted to watch it when it 1st came out but its always d kind of movie where if i asked my clique-(i find it weird using this word these days) they would probably ask me to watch it myself =x

so i was delighted to know my fren in bunk had brought the dvd in and where others were snoring away, me and my buddy stayed up to this heart warming film..

not to mention,

it has a beautiful soundtrack =)

movies?

2009-06-28T21:53:00.002+08:00

SIGH..... there arn't many GREAT movies these days.

still laughing

2009-06-19T22:10:00.002+08:00

my vision starts to blur
just in time
i turn away from the world
but within the flip of a dime
i'm still laughing
still smiling.

Look Up

2009-06-12T22:15:00.003+08:00

the uncertain passage of time brings about both hope and despair
hope when u're looking up
and despair when u're down
and when u're just looking straight ahead
its called facing reality.

*so just look either way to avoid reality now n then & of cos its up to you to face hope or despair.

^^

2009-06-11T21:12:00.001+08:00

its both easier to live and die without anyone in your wallet.

TRY

2009-06-05T23:30:00.000+08:00

u try, u fail
u try again, u fail again
u try and try and try, n maybe one day u'll succeed

u dun try, u just fail and thats it.

Taiwan Memories

2009-05-22T09:29:00.003+08:00

these moments felt like yesterday..

treasured new frens.

fun experiences.

precious memories.

=)

Sorry

2009-05-16T00:32:00.002+08:00

Having hear many apologies will eventually make one feel sorry for himself.

Mothers Day

2009-05-11T14:41:00.002+08:00

ytd was mothers day and we spent it at jurong point.. a nice meal and just walking around.. i think its the toughest profession and i appreciate my mum greatly.. she may not be perfect but like she always say "the best gift a mother can give is just lots of love to her children" and i've definitely been blessed with lots of that =)

stumbled upon an old song as i was surfing around today which describes perfectly a mother's love..

i cant help but tear as i watch this though i've seen it before quite some time back =x

and it reminds me of another song i have which always reminds me of my mum..

Give your mum a hug and kiss everyday! ^^

Books

2009-05-10T23:00:00.003+08:00

ytd while at harris in suntec, i was actualli tempted to buy many books.. yes, this might come to a shock to those who know me for a long time now, timothy loh weiquan buyin books???!! theres a first for everythin eh =x anw, i guess since entering the army.. i've started to read more.. with free time here and there, especially during regimental duties, i've started to read and not jus let time slip away aimlessly..

i rmb back in sec sch days where i didnt even finish readin the dairy of anne frank and still sat for the final exams (FYI, i still got a B =p) and how the only story book i ever finished were called, comic books..

so as there was a clearance of 25% on almost everythin, i was realli tempted to get a couple of them.. those that interest me are usualli biographies of real life experiences or those that intrigue me greatly on an intellectual level like different takes and perspectives of life.. as i was browsing, "we better get going before i buy the entire shop".. haha, i heard this and turned to see a man carrying a bundle of books making that comment to his fren.. in d end, i restricted myself to just gettin one book - 'lottery', hahaha ^^

Ronaldo & Selamat =x

2009-05-08T16:29:00.005+08:00

ok so actualli i was about to blog about somethin i read as i came home today but after happenin to come across this video..
so he may be pretty cocky at times, dive & fall easily at times but.....

i jus had to add this into the archives of my blog.. i like it how the commentator went, "too far for ronaldo to think about it..... OOOAAH!!!!! Absolutely Sensational!!" brilliant indeed.. if onli i had a mere fraction of his talent =x

anw, back to what i actually wanted to note down today - MAS SELAMAT CAPTURED.. hahaha, i dun think i rmb ever readin somethin splashed across our newpaper like that before.. ok its definitely big news but if this man was that impt a fugitive, shldnt his escape be bigger news.. it jus shows how clever the spore scene is in controllin how we see things..

and oh "Lead Came From S'pore".. lol, it better have came from singapore.. i mean were we expecting the lead to come from anywhere else.. sometimes it realli makes me feel how our brainwashing media..a political ploy.

Randomness

2009-05-02T15:33:00.000+08:00

i countdown the seconds u look into my eyes
the look on your face, that of lies
1, 2 and before the count of three
i turn away cos i cant bare to see
the haunting agony of what used to be

like the strike of a matchstick
in the pitch black dark
like a swinging pendulum
right from the start

thinking i have changed
i went from monster to ghost
but in truth searching
for what i yearn most

and now the dust begins to settle
as i stand i fumble
its an endless struggle.

Welcome To Jaguar Coy (1st Week of 3SG Life)

2009-04-26T11:02:00.000+08:00

ok so life as a 3SG isn't quite how i expected it to be.. then agn, i guess its just lucky lucky me eh.. and about 20 others who got posted together with me.. one after another, the "good" news just kept coming at us..

Monday - Our commanding officer, a ranger. "OMG, not again" was my first thought. After experiencing a tekong life in Cougar with a ranger OC, i wasn't exactly excited. His welcome speech struck home as he said "Pride is everything and welfare is tough training". Now thats just great. Luckily, the CO is changing in JUNE!!! =x

Tuesday - So we've heard how out in 42SAR, there're 3 coys (Jaguar, Kaffir & Lion) and J is the one whos diving straight into standby which basically to us means burning of more weekends and guess what..... As the list of postings was read out, "3SG Timothy Loh - Jaguar Coy" i could see my fren across the room flashing a sinister smile at me. The BITCH!!!!

Wednesday - Ok, me and the other 23 sad souls who were the new J commanders have come to realise god pretty much musn't like us and perhaps we've sinned greatly in our past lives and this is all just karma. True enough!!! The arrows of massive "good" news shot at us again. Congratulations for we've won a 7weeks adventure in the beautiful australia and a free trip to the live range this sat. (Immediate inner thoughts: "WTF, i've neva heard any of my frens in NS being away for that long ever. Another sat burnt? Brilliant, just brilliant" -.-)
well ok, at least sat is just a halfday shoot and well, the long 7weeks compared to others in 42SAR whos just a month due to being advance/support party, I shall take an optimistic view and say it'll give me great memories that will last my entire life eh 0.o

Thursday - Friday Nights off cancelled and sat range extended to a night shoot!!!! ok, by this time any optimistic views/taking it in our stride has turned into becoming cynical and we started laughing at our own misery. Some started singing an army tune "Ohh....Ohhhhhhh... Jaguar Confine Jaguar Confine, All The Rest can go book out!!"

Friday - While others had induction programme and looked forward to an early book out(PS: they hapily left camp at 1730hours while we returned from outfield only at 2230hours), we set off with our new sections. Its gonna be a tough journey gaining their trust and respect. Harder so cos our new comrades are not new fresh soldiers like those in tekong but men who've come in the same time as us. Outstanding!

Saturday - So they sent us there in the morning to finish the shoot by 1pm and asked us to rot for 6hours before they commenced the night shoot. Wonderful planning indeed =s onli booked out at about 1030pm.

ok so all this while, we were constantly reminded how questions about welfare should not be asked anymore as we're now commanders and in otherwards i gathered - as a commander i should have mastered the art of sucking my thumb.. i think i probably have after this week of brilliant news =x

actualli on a lighter side, some of the other guys posted with me are pretty cool frens that i've made during trainee life and i guess we'll push one another on.. doing retarded things here and there to keep our spirits up.. me and another guy even decided to start a diary in camp since some stuff cant actualli be divulged out here in my blog.. we'll read it together years from now and it'll be good ^^ so there it goes, MY UNIT LIFE HAS OFFICIALLY BEGUN!!!

Armour AISL 02/08 - POP

2009-04-19T13:38:00.003+08:00

and finally after 22weeks, the longest course possible in army.....

i'm officially an armour specialist.. i actualli wouldn't mind jus being a trainee or MAN( in other words a follower) for d rest of my NS, less troublesome =x but well, the pay is too little and being an officer would be far too troublesome.. thus balancin out back then, i knew a sgt would be just nice and here i am now =p

so my family came.. watched the passing out parade which i think was erm..... pretty lame with all the singing.. i felt like we were auditioning for d nx season of spore idol as we were made to sing 3 different songs =s afterwhich, got to take pics with the vehicles that were our so called livelihood as armour soldiers..

so with that, i step out of Armour Training Institute to...... jus few blocks away -.- for ur info i'm now posted to 42 SAR which is STILL IN THE ULU SUNGEI GEDONG CAMP.. oh well, now the real fun begins eh ^^ unit chiong sua life here i come!

Goodbye Sweet Innocence

2009-04-12T17:05:00.002+08:00

i tried to understand, played the nice guy
thought that once earned, there would be no lies
in the end, like many before me
i crashed and burnt
let this be a lesson learnt

for now i know whats at stake
its hard to tell whos real or fake
in this game that some call fate
i now see it as just a date

no longer is my vision impaired
just like everything else, love is seldom fair
from affection to deception
it all changed my perception
so goodbye sweet innocence
no more gullible nonsense

SOL

2009-04-10T12:57:00.003+08:00

so i've been back for awhile now & its good to be home ^^ tis update took awhile cos on April 1st, i was charged by my beloved SAF 7 days SOL (stoppage of leave).. nope! it wasn't an April Fool's Joke =x and ytd b4 booking out i experienced my 1st defaulters parade, an exhilarating experience it was.. haha so lets see ever since enlisting......

CONFINEMENTS - done
EXTRA GUARD DUTY - done
ROP (Restriction of Privileges) - done
SOL - done
Defaulters - done
Detention Barracks - i think i'll stop at d previous one and not take it to the nx level =p
.

040109, 1745 hours

I woke up with a jolt. Strange. This is the second time i've had this dream, along some street in Japan. It was disturbing similar, the same shops, the identical traffic light before the bus stop. Whats more, i was caught up in the same scenario as well, doing some last minute wandering before rushing to the airport. How though invoking but I didn't have time for that.

In that half-awake state, i fumbled for my handphone. Strange. The alarm didn't go off. Anyway, doesn't matter, as long i'm up now. Ten minutes - enough for a quick change into uniform and report to the Ops Room. [Part of a routine during my 7days SOL]. Reported, grabbed dinner and retreated back to the bunk, the place i've come to call home this weekend.

With my speakers blasting in the background, i stared down at what was to be my dinner - stale and unappetising. While i was doing what was necessary to not die of hunger, at the back of mind i was busy digesting something else. The reoccurring dream had intrigued me greatly. I began recalling and two familiar characters whom i thought about recently, i had actually encountered them on the streets. Conversations & actions took place which were unlikely to repeat in reality. Indeed, circumstances has changed, people change. Nothing is the only thing that seems constant these days.

Just then, the song "a day dreaming..." by BACK-ON played through the speakers. The irony.

Dearest Mum

2009-03-09T00:05:00.000+08:00

with pain u've brought me into this world, it continued =x
as u brought me up till where i am now

it hasn't gotten easier
but u've pulled thru another year
its been rough i know
but u haven lost your glow
a friend, a teacher, a father
most of all, the best mother

finally i guess i can say i'm almost there
and i cant thank you enough for all the love and care
MUMMY JJANG!! ^^

happy birthday mum, sorry i cant be around to cele it.. i'm sure the two other devils will be nice while i'm gone.. take care all of u!!! =)

The Year So Far

2009-03-02T11:41:00.010+08:00

hmmm, so its been pretty mundane so far.. not that i'm complaining of cos.. based on last year's "excitement", too much of it can realli kill =x den again too much of anithin isn't a good thing, haha.. anw, theres now more simple days jus spendin with family, frens and MYSELF - i like alone time these days.. listening to music and just lazing around.. sometimes thinking, reflecting.. its nice ^^

so i actualli thought i'm gonna be more nonchalant this year.. less crappy, more cold.. but i guess..... thats not realli me =p thats probably why i'll definitely work in the service industry in future.. i'm a more people orientated kinda person.. so even as the many changes takes its place, good or bad.. i'll adapt along the way without realli changing who i am.. i like me, lol.

well, this year has been pretty fine indeed and i'm gonna look forward to everythin that comes along.. and u guys can look forward to me being back in a month's time.. haha.

note to all: take care!!!
note to self: come back in one piece =x

A Meaningful Day's Errand

2009-02-23T18:31:00.005+08:00

ah, its such a nice feeling to have off today.. being home on a monday instead of in camp definitely removes any monday blues =x

anw, it rained pretty heavily today and that would have been perfect for sleeping in but i was tasked by dear mum to go fetch the little monster from school.. so off i went, getting cold & wet.. i have to admit, i was gettin a little irritated.. obviously i would rather be in my bed and as the more it dragged, the more annoyed i was =s upon reaching the gate, i had to wait another half an hour cos apparently my mum got the timing wrong.. "being the good brother can be quite troublesome", thats what i thought..

as i listened to my mp3 player, i looked around me and realise many people like myself were holding onto umbrellas and waiting.. of cos these people were mostly aunties.. and as their kids emerged one by one, most smiled.. some took their children's bags and there they went.. and it struck me, how these aunties must have been doing this almost everyday.. ok now, i think its much more appropriate to refer to them as Loving Mothers/Grandma and afew rare Fathers ^^ (of cos, there were quite afew maids as well but thats not the point. haha)

well, just a little rain today and it got me annoyed over such a simple task.. it jus struck me how parents do things like these almost everyday.. making your bed, picking u up from school, etc... and at d end, instead of gettin fed up.. they still bother askin "how was school" or even jus a simple smile..

and i begin to ponder, how sometimes peers of mine would remark about not being close to their parents and how they might not really care.. but it struck me today, how those simple acts that they do, really goes unnoticed and unappreciated sometimes.. not all of us have the fortune of having our parents be like our close friends.. but hey, the little things they do realli show that they love you all d same..

with these thoughts in mind, the annoyance kinda vanished from me.. and as i fianlly saw my bro emerge from the school gates, i smiled and asked "how was sch today?" =)

accidents

2009-02-15T12:02:00.003+08:00

ok, so since young i'm one whos quite prone to many accidents, big or small.. mayb its just me being not very careful, alittle clumsy or perhaps suay.. i rmb back in pri sch where i walked into a drain, in sec sch i often knock into the canteen tables with a loud THUD.. and so many other incidents which i can probably write a book about..

now being in army, in particularly the vocation of armour.. with all d heavy equipment, i dun think its doing me any good =x in the past 2weeks, a fire extinguisher was dropped on my face during a drill, my finger was whacked with a hammer and while changin the tracks, the suspension gave me a good knock on my shoulder and left a nice red mark for d day..

hoho, lets jus hope these incidents dun get too out of hand.. especially in the following month ^^

CNY - Bird Park =x

2009-02-08T13:15:00.004+08:00

ok so i have tis fren who nagged at me to update my blog like how my mum would nag at me to clean my room =x haha ok, its not that i lead a boring life n hav nth to update about cos realli i do feel lyk my life's a huge drama sometimes.. but some stories are best left untold eh.. hahaha. plus since my instructors in army give out confinements/punishments so generously -.- my life as a civilian gets shortened to jus over a day per week at times..

haha b4 this post become like just some lame entry about how i dun blog as often anymore.. lets see.....

so cny came n gone.. and having a pretty warped up family and even more warped up relatives.. we didnt do any actual visiting this year and i dun think we would be in the years to come.. but well it doesn't matter.. if relatives're gonna be such a pain, i say we can jolly well do without all of them =p and so there we were.. the only crazy chinese family walknig around bird park on d 1st day of cny.

i realise we there isn't much photos of us taking with the birds there.. honestly, i'm not much a fan of our feather frens but like how i always say.. its not what u do, but d company.. n my family is pretty fine d way it is, not perfect but hey, whos is..

.
..
...
we may be the directors of our own stories but like every movie, u cant please everyone
so do u take a risk and brush away critics, stay to what u think its true and break those rigid "rules"
or do u conform to what ppl percieve as the norm
in the end, thats what matters
of every story and every chapter.

2009-01-26T00:12:00.002+08:00

Today is dear zw's 21st.. cele it on sat since he left for msia ytd morning like he always does for every cny.. how cool is that eh, havin ur birthday fall on the same day as the lunar new year..

so we went to eat steamboat buffet which is actualli what i jus had for reunion dinner as well.. i think i've been eatin hell lots lately n with cny here, i dun realli see any reason why i shld stop =x

here are the two officers to be.. earn lots of $$$ guys! so can blanjah me more ^^ medwin has gone to signals while zw most probably heading to artilery.. lucky fags.. while here i am in armour infantry where grease has become my new fren.. n omg, confinements for falling in 5min late, not offing the fan??!!! i can just sense my weekends disappearing one by one.....

a pic with the birthday boy and his present in his hand.. hope u liked it.. i mean u betta bloody love it.. lol.

well, though there isn't gonna be much visiting.. and my mum's draggin my ass to bird park tml for some family time with the little devil bro and other retarded bro..
haha, its nice.. holidays are so much more appreciated when u're in d army =p happy cny all!

The year of 21st

2009-01-18T18:26:00.004+08:00

ah, so this year has come.. invites to many 21st birthdays.. a big turning point in life i guess.. its nice i suppose, to have your family and friends around on that special day.. me? with last year in mind.....

My 20th.
i open my eyes to a vibrating sound
read the message with little interest
i'm not in the celebratory mood this time around
with heavy steps i headed towards the door
grabbed my jacket hung on the wall

the weather seems to be colder
the noise around me, i cant hear
sad songs fills my earphones
i'm gonna spend the day alone
cos this year
its a happy birthday minus the happy

i clutch onto my handphone as it begins to sound
answered the call with alot of pain
let my phone drop to the ground
before your voice drives me insane
cos today,
its a birthday without a meaning
so i continue walking, wondering
if next year will be a year i'll fear.

so doubt i'm gonna bother doin anithin =p i'll just take it as the days comes..

change

2009-01-10T00:13:00.002+08:00

i cant stop this continuous change around me
people come, people leave
the new world does as it please
i just hope that i'll be
strong enough, fast enough
not to be eaten by this wrath.

Goodbye 2008

2009-01-02T20:03:00.004+08:00

if onli like a clock, i could reset and start anew without all the drama from 2008.. but then agn, i guess now i know more than ever the fragility of human relations and feelings.. and the benefit of goin thru shit is knowing who ur real frens are and how much more they matter now.. i just hope for a normal 2009 eh.. i've had quite enough of all the "excitement" already.. hmmmm, but somehow i think a mudane life just doesnt associate itself with timothy loh weiquan.. how abt the excitement of striking toto this year then! =x

its time to change that calender
hung up on my bedroom wall
torn and tattered
just like the memories of it all.

Inspired

2008-12-24T17:35:00.003+08:00

saw this on a fren's blog and i think its so great that i shld put it here too.. i'll finish this year strong ^^

Reading

2008-12-21T17:26:00.006+08:00

since theres much time spent waitin for things to happen in camp, i've been readin more books since entering the army.. i find it hard to believe it as well, but i actualli can get pretty absorbed.. the onli books i associated myself with back in sch were comics.. my textbooks were usualli so bad conditioned not bcos i use them often but it was due to the fact i often chuck them around..

guess its all about finding stuff u're interested in and as for me, i'm not those who read about fantasy, i've done enough dreaming already =x anw, i've always had a certain interest in psychological stuff and i like readin biographies as well.. they kinda engage me more as it realli makes me think and certain stuff i can actualli relate and compare it to the people around me in real life..

as i read, i think how my life would actualli turn out to be quite an interesting book...... especially this year.

*i've lost many things this year,
but i'm determined to not lose myself.

What if

2008-12-06T13:30:00.006+08:00

What if one day u wake up from a nightmare,
to only come to a reality that is far worse.
Do you go back to bed praying for a different dream
but then realise u're trapped in this curse
and you cant just sleep forever it seems.
...
..
.
.

the answer to it all is simple yet hard
to keep on living, making everyday a new start.

Hope

2008-11-30T16:52:00.003+08:00

pardon me while i take my time
cos tell me, who's committed the greater crime
i'm still suffering from that fall
and it isn't pretty at all

dun offer me your hand
when u let mine go
trust me, you dun want me to pretend
cos when that coldness finally transcends
in the form of that old mask
a fake me, is all u can ever ask

you made me question friendship
something i never thought i would do
now i'm balancing on this tip
and lets just hope
i dun trip.....

Reminiscence & Change

2008-11-21T21:33:00.008+08:00

as i read my past blog entries.....

hahaha, i cant help but laugh as i go through the many attempts i made in writing entries that i thought would be funny =x its pretty embarrassing but right here and now, i'll be honest and say that YES, i think it was indeed for that little extra attention.. cos seriously who would wanna read a boring blog n i would be just lying if i said i made it entertaining for myself to read in future like now.. i mean, i could jus type it all in a microsoft word doc..

while blogging serves as a purpose to help me keep my thoughts and memories.. its kinda a way for me to leave somethin behind as well.. be it whoever who reads.. its always nice to leave an impression and not be forgotten..

i realised too, that my entries reflected this crappy nice guy with his random emo side (which explains the random poems).. and it strikes me that the i've been trying to hard in maintaining this so called image of mine that i've somehow worn it on like an avatar in a game..

and finally as things happen one after another, i notice how my writing has changed recently.. i dun think i'm now this changed serious guy cos trust me, i still can crap alot thats if i want to =p perhaps because of the habit of bloggin in such a way in the past, i've confined my other sides for too long.. which results in this aftermath of views drastically changing and my losing of faith in many things..

and that perhaps was my mistake.. trying to hard to maintain that so called image i thought i was suppose to have.. if i didn't, i might have reacted differently and broaden my train of thoughts, things would not have affected me that much..

but i guess, it did.. and in a way its good cos as strange as it sounds, i think i understand myself much more now than i thought i did..

Masks

2008-11-19T20:33:00.003+08:00

i guess one of the reasons why i adapt welll is cos of the different masks i wear.. a quiet one for perhaps idiots who dun talk sense, a smile for people who ask me too many dumb questions, an interested mask when i've no choice but to be nice.. sometimes, after getting to know a person well enough i might choose to take off that mask and others, it might mean adding additional layers just so that the first dun crack and unwanted emotions come flying out..... =x

i believe most of us wear masks.. hiding our true selves from others because honestly not every1 can accept who we are or perhaps not to let people in.. honestly i've been wearing so many different masks myself, i guess it ok.. cos seriously, its much easier getting by at times that way..

and one thing i've learnt over the years is that after taking off a mask to a new friend.. in time, it doesn't mean u cant put it back on again ^^

Money Matters

2008-11-08T11:56:00.002+08:00

its sad, but i think i've converged into being a realist now, believing in the one thing that keeps to world moving - MONEY..

sure, "Money Cant Buy You Good Health" as many will be quick to point out.. but who says being poor = good health.. and should the worse happen, who's gonna pay for that major operation.. that innocent plea on your face? i highly doubt so..

i know, being rich doesn't essentially mean u're happy.. but hey, being able to travel, eat, shop and not worry about not being able to help support my family.. i say that sounds great! =x its ok, i can do without experiencing that true happiness or so called true love cos i dunno whats realli true in this world anymore and if that sweet $$$ can help me attain even jus 50percent of that superficial happiness, i say why not..

we live in this materialistic world whether we like it anot and i say, if u cant beat them, join them ^^ SHOW ME THE MONEY!!

214.

2008-11-02T12:30:00.003+08:00

another day, another week
what is it that i've been trying to seek
for the one thing i held on so dear
it all just seems to disappear

i believed in it, i fought for it
but in the end she called it quits
everything is just a lie
everything ends in time
i guess i won't give it another try

the hope, the dreams
ever since i was just a kid
but now i know why its called a fairytale
it really was my stupidity
to have dreamed in reality.

213.

2008-10-26T20:01:00.003+08:00

life as a private since passing out of tekong..

have not experienced a friday book out yet
got bitten by a spider on my lower lip n it swell for a few hours!
dunno how, but several army equipment has become gone case after goin thru my hands 0.o
my uniform caught fire
3 pending confinements
plus i'm booking in, in about 2hours time for guard duty tml, yes the eve of a public holiday..

and all these still cant match up to my exciting life outside army! ^^ i've become numb for awhile now.....

212.

2008-10-12T02:19:00.003+08:00

My First Words at 20

hey hey, so now i've turned twenty
another stage of my life
and my world is still so crazy
but i guess i'll be fine
just one step at a time

year on year it doesn't get any easier
sometimes it gets hard to move on
especially when you're thrown out on your own
but i guess thats just reality
and from that i've grown

so despite my battered heart and broken soul
i'll climb out of this dark hole
falling down isn't a crime
and i'll just have to keep on moving
just one step at a time

211.

2008-10-05T16:26:00.002+08:00

My Last Words at 19

I gave u my heart, gave u my all
you tore it apart, slammed it against the wall
Now i cant sleep despite how i try
cant weep even though i wanna cry
Yet i still cant bring myself to hate you
even as you do the things you do
I dunno how i'm gonna live through the coming days
and for you i still pray
I'm sorry i loved you
sorry you didn't feel the same way too
Now all alone i'll try
try just to breathe, just to live.

210.

2008-09-17T19:38:00.004+08:00

POP!!!!!!! haha yeah.. so i finally left tekong exactly one week ago and the break so far has been realli great.. like slacking at home all day or going out with friends.. u realli appreciate being a civilian =p

its a good feeling knowing that u complete the 1st phase of my army life.. lookin forward to the increase in pay(i know its not alot -.-) but hey.. betta than nth! but as the pic shows.. gonna miss the platoon that i've been in for 9weeks.. it seriously went by faster than i tot it would..

especially these guys above ^^ realli enjoyed the company of my section mates.. these are the ppl who i've been sharing the same bunk with.. if i could jus form a unit with these ppl straight away.. i honestly would! well, guess thats life.. gotta start the cycle of knowing new ppl all over agn.....

All the best and keep in touch guys! =)

*dear zw just enlisted ytd.. all the best inside man!! & thx a million for helping me take pics and all.. appreciate it loads =p if u trust me wif ur camera.. i'll help u too! hahaha..

209.

2008-09-07T15:53:00.002+08:00

she stood strong throughout her time
seldom asking for help
working hard for every dime

despite the many differences
that the generation gap brings
she fought these obstacles
and like an angel, i saw her wings

although how she left that day
may not be in a perfect way
its about time she can be free
and i promised to her that i'll be
the best i can to keep together
this family.

Rest in peace my dearest ah ma.

208.

2008-08-28T00:00:00.001+08:00

a roller coaster ride, these past few weeks
down to a point where
everything seems bleak
up to a point where its hard
just being on my feet

right when it starts to crumble
and my body begins to fumble
a little light came shining through
at a time when i least expect it to
slowly that little light unfold
into a story so beautifully told

its been dramatic, these past few years
and there were times where
i cant help but fear
but i'm glad that what once seemed bleak
i know my future will be so much more sweet...

207.

2008-08-03T08:51:00.004+08:00

you find it hard to tell the truth
find it hard to refuse
so i guess it was easier to risk losing a friend
and that i cannot understand

in the end.. i guess i cldnt bring myself to publish the whole writing.. guess i've gotta pick up the pieces again.. "you either live long enough to become the villain, or die a hero" i almost became a villain today.

seriously, why now.....

206.

2008-07-27T18:45:00.000+08:00

tada! now my rank is that of a RECRUIT which basically means a botak soldier who is subjected to all the shit any1 else can giv in tekong ^^ wonderful! lol.. its kinda how i expect life to be and lucky lucky me.. entered Cougar Company, the "welfare" one.. with an EVEN MORE welfare platoon.. enhanced batch, means i've got much catching up to do.. haha.. i'll try to make the best out of this 2 years =x

1st book out... hahaha, it was funny how i was like... woooooo, this is how it feels to be taking the mrt instead of marching from pojnt A to B & of cos many many other things.. anw, since i hardly hav free time plus usualli "free" time invovles much cleaning of bunk, washing of my clothes.. too tired at times some more.. so my plan to learn some korean with my $50plus book i bought has pretty much come to reading of the 1st few pages onli.. oh well, mayb i'll get some chance next time.. but i did manage to find some time in lectures to complete my writing, edited below le.

hmmm, with these new memorable experiences.. i miss the old memories as well.....

205.

2008-07-23T00:01:00.002+08:00

i guess the timing couldn't be any better
my empty heart, it has faltered
all this time it was alone
to have no feelings like a stone
but now.. it has faltered again

i guess its not that easy shutting out
getting close to someone becomes a doubt
afraid of what might become
regret of what could have been
and now, i just wanna shout

somebody kill my bleeding heart
cos i cant take it falling apart
this pain is unbearable
and love seems unattainable
so jus let my heart die
then the bleeding
will have no feeling.. tonight

204.

2008-07-17T00:01:00.002+08:00

hey there.. haha so lets see, its one week since i've been gone for NS and most probably still there unless somethin happened =x hmmmm, so i guess if u chance upon this scheduled post, u must be some bored blog hopper or u must realli miss me! =p

well, i hope every1's doin fine.. i'm probably be missing my thick, beautiful hair at this point of time.. hahaha, hey i gotta say after so many years i finally look less kiddish and pretty cool k =x but being botak..... *while typin this, i realli wonder how retarded i'll look*

and omg, i hav a pic which describe exactly that feeling.. lol..

203.

2008-07-10T01:30:00.001+08:00

so here i am, jus hours before enlistment.. as usual, time flies and another chapter begins.. its funny isn't it, how we take time for granted.. hmmm so lets see, my teenage years..

as a student, i jus made sure i neva failed and did what i had to do to pass which literally meant nothing.. ook, i guess i wasnt that good as a student =p

as a son & brother, this part i think made me mature alot.. i could hav done betta definitely but i think i did alright.. its just the next step which scares me alittle.. filling up what my dad left bhind.....

as a friend, well tt's for u to decide isn't it.. let me jus giv my final take on the topic =x first of all, as the term "Best Fren" goes, i dun think i can ever choose one.. at least in my case, not jus a single one fren helped me along life and afew hav been there always.. so to choose jus one single best fren would be too hard and a classification i'll neva use.. mayb i'll save that for my future wife eh =p

well anw to me, its either true friends or not.. we all take different paths in life and a true fren jus means that he or she is willing to leave his path now and then to walk with you on yours be it helpin you up or jus for the company.. simple as that!

i think i'll stop here.. cos i dun hav any as a boyfriend to write =x hahahaha.. or anythin else.. take care ppl!